Tuesday, March 30, 2004
incredibly tired now.... sigh. been a super long and dreary day.
my tuesday went something like this... waited 20 minutes for bus, 3 came at the same time, got to school late. got d/c, ok nvm tt could work out even though there's dance. double gp, then human geog lecture (sleep). recess, double free period (dropped maths), econs tutorial (half-sleep). lunch, free period (no chinese) free period (teacher is away). sch ends at 230, stay for d/c and dance later. do econs work and slack abit in dance studio, go for dc at 5 cos i thought its at 5, late. teacher says "your'e late, come for dc on thursday instead"
then dance still 830, get home around 9. eat dinner, search for music... dead tired now.
some days just seem so slow and lethargic, im starting to hate tuesdays. its quite irritating that my short days all end at ard 8... -_- and i've been sleeping q late too... my body craves 7-8 hours of sleep not 5-6. argh! its different than usual though... its like i feel im tired and everything but i know tt things will get better, maybe not tmrw, but after i get some rest. the problem is when i'll be able to actually get that rest, but i know that i'll find some way to cope eventually. its always so easy to get all negative and pessimistic but its the hope and optimism tt keeps us going. am i changing again? maybe... but i hope this time this change is permanent in the sense that... i feel like i'm headed somewhere now. reading this book "the purpose driven life" in an attempt to well, answer the questions i've always been asking, but also to build a close relationship with God. i guess i hate not understanding stuff, and the book has really helped so far... even though i've kinda stagnated on my reading heh, just gotta keep at it. blah. but i really like this story i read of bev's blog heh =)
One day I happened to call a man on business whom I didn't know, have not
nor will probably ever talk to again. But this day, he felt like talking. He was
head of security at a company that had invited the remaining members of a
company who had been decimated by the attack on the Twin Towers to share
their office space.
With his voice full of awe, he told me stories of why these people were alive and their counterparts were dead.
All the stories were just little things. You might know about the head of the company who got in late that day because his son started kindergarten.
Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts. There were other stories that I hope and pray will someday be gathered and put in a book.
The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning. He took the various means to get to work, but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive.
Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone .... all the little things that annoy me .... I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment.
really makes you think and wonder... what is coincidence and what is fate? i guess we'll never really know, but we have to accept whatever we face and deal with it. life might suck sometimes, but well, it only sucks as much as u want it to suck doesnt it =)
i guess i've never really gotten over my various rejections heh... getting rejected by prefects in acs(i)... i wasnt even supposed to go for the camp but my teacher pushed hard for me to go heh... then i didnt make student's council, didnt make arts council, no humans scholarship (MOE or school)... and sometimes i just think i screw up interviews like mad. makes me wonder about how i'm ever going to get a job or even a scholarship to study. i hate interviews! its like creating a pressure cooker environment where everything is a front, all put up and pretentious. i find it hard to see how its more than just a test of how good an actor/actress you are... and how you present yourself. blah. why cant they just like dump u in some situation and see how u handle it rather than do tt?
haha i remember talking about this before when i became ogl... i'm 100% sure i screwed up tt interview as well... *halo* i've kinda gotten over all of it... but there's still some part of me that regrets that i didnt present myself better, or didnt show tt i can be capable. its kinda irritating that in pri/sec school i always got saboed as group leaders class rep... infact i've been class rep almost every year since pri 4... haha even 1st 3 months in jc but i escaped after tt. and my report card always said "good leadership skills" haha.. i dunno lah. will these rejections warp my life so much? i seriously doubt so... i probably wouldnt be in dance if i had gotten into council, and i'm probably too busy now to be in arts council. its always looking back tt you realise maybe some things happened the way they should have afterall... regrets fade only if u want to move on.
i love this song... michelle branch still rocks my world. she always will.
i remember.. stormy weather
the way the sky looks when its cold
and you were with me
content with walking
so unaware of the world
...
i took your picture
while you were sleeping
and then i paced around the room
if i had known then
that these things happen
would they have happened with you?
please dont drive me home tonight
cause i dont wanna feel alone
please dont drive me home tonight
cause i dont wanna go
tuesday morning
in the dark
i was finding out
who i was
and if you turned around to see me and i was gone
you should have looked outside your window
cause the sun was coming up
please dont drive me home tonight
cause i dont wanna feel alone
tuesday morning
in the dark
we were finding out
who we are....
who we are.
or so it seems, at 11:18 PM
Monday, March 29, 2004
wheee! okae after spending dunno how long... actually i do lah haha about 2 hours now
finally done my blog! and photos as well! hehe... lots of changes and erh... additions to come lah... but i think i'll be effectively switching here from livejournal. i'll be sure to type out my posts on notepad first though... so i can archive it and also cos i hear stories of ppl losing posts... and my posts can be damn long.
anyway if u want to read stuff i've posted its www.livejournal.com/users/amuse, otherwise everything else "should" be here... yupz.
yay!! life is good =)
or so it seems, at 9:44 PM
